I didn’t upload anything yesterday because I didn’t write anything, and that’s because I did not feel like writing anything.

I did not feel motivated enough.

I did not find a muse.

I was feeling low yesterday, so I just spent the day with my family. Those weirdos bring me sheer joy, on most days but on some, I really want to lock them in a closet and have the house to myself and enjoy the quiet. Well, that’s not what this is about.

The thing is that even today I don’t feel motivated to write something. I still feel like there is a lot of weight resting on my chest. I am still feeling low, but I’m going to write something today because I just spent last evening hating myself thinking; oh my god, you just started this blog and you promised to upload something every single day, to write something every single day and what, it’s just been six days and you are done, you’ve already given up? That’s great!

This just added more sadness to an already gloomy day which did not feel great.
Naturally, I don’t want to hate myself this evening as well so here’s what has been on my mind:
This whole “I don’t feel great” or “I don’t feel the motivation” or “mann nahi kar raha” or “my heart is too heavy” has cost me many great opportunities, a lot of good grades, and a whole lot of chances at finding happiness, which in turn has made me feel even worse about myself, has added on to the weight on my chest and has made me want to bury my face in my bed and just stare at the nothingness of the dark.

But I don’t think that’s fair. I don’t think that it’s okay for you to judge yourself, hate yourself because you are unproductive. You cannot be mad at yourself because you are going through something, because you are unhappy, because you are having a bad day! It is not fair. You are just kicking yourself further down! The world is already a cruel place. There are enough people around to judge you, to hate on you, to let you down. You cannot hate yourself because that is just letting go of that one person you could count on, one person who would never let you down, the one person who is supposed to love you no matter what. You are all that you’ve got. But instead, you are forcing yourself to look down on you, hate you. And that is just not fair.

So this is for you; the unproductive, overemotional you.

It is okay that you haven’t studied for a week.
It is okay that you don’t feel like getting out of your bed on some days.
It is okay that you are avoiding phone calls today.
It is okay that you haven’t done something that brings you joy in months.
It is okay.
It is okay to feel upset for no reason at all.
It is okay to want to be left alone.
It is okay to not be happy all the time.
It is okay to have a bad day, a bad week, or even a bad month.

It is okay.

You are okay.

It’s a phase, and this too shall pass.

Stop judging yourself.
Stop hating yourself.

Take your time, take five naps a day, watch a lame movie, watch five lame movies, stuff your mouth with everything unhealthy in your possession, and then when you are finally ready to get over your bad days and fight the world again, take a long hot shower and thank your lucky stars for another chance given to you.

Don’t stress.

Things will be alright. 

You will be alright. 

Just take life,
ONE DAY AT A TIME.

Praying for you, always.

Yours truly,

Jasmita Shah