I had moved on, I had healed
Or so I thought.
I didn’t mention you as much
Wasn’t missing your extra-sweet tea
Neither was I thinking about your motherly touch
I was doing fine.
I had moved on, I had healed
Or so I thought.
And perhaps you found out
So you came in my dreams to say hello
You could have come dressed as an angel? A swan? Or even a unicorn?
Something white, full of serenity, overflowing with peace
Because you see that is how I envision you
Up, amongst the gods
Living amidst the clouds
I think of you like that because it helped me feel like
I had moved on, I had healed
Or so I thought.
But you
You played a mean trick today
You came in my dream dressed in white
With peace on your face and serenity all around
I was reliving that god awful day when we got the call
“She is gone”
It took me a few months but soon enough
I had moved on, I had healed
Or so I thought.
Its been a year since you left
I had shifted memories of you in a far off corner of my heart
Where the grief and anger could no longer reach
They were mine,
The jokes you made to make me laugh
The chocolate pops
The unbelievable; almost made-up stories from your childhood
The drama you did to get your way
And my personal favorite-
The warm fuzzy feeling your bear hugs gave.
All of this packed and put far away, safely
For only me to access
I had moved on, I had healed
Or so I thought.
Because even though I have experienced the world
Without you–for 365 days,
It seems like yesterday that you left
The wounds are fresh and
The blood runs red
But look at the treachery grief plays–
Even though losing you seems recent,
Knowing you seems to be a tale of the past
Feels like it has been a decade since
I heard your voice,
A century since
Your soft hands held mine.
Your absence has created a vacuum that
Only allows enough air to breathe
But not enough to be.
I had dealt with my anxiety and heartache
I had moved on, I had healed
Or so I thought.