I am sorry for being MIA. I know I broke my streak by not posting anything in August but come on, you have to cut me some slack, I just moved continents!

For those of you who don’t follow the fabulous life of Jasmita on Instagram lol, I have finally gone back to books and notes after my wonderful year of meetings and paychecks; and am now studying Communication and Media at Erasmus University in Rotterdam, Netherlands.

The fact that I haven’t studied in two years and now suddenly am overwhelmed by tonnes of reading and papers due next week is scary but exciting at the same time. I thought I would hate being a student again, and maybe I partially do but also, having taken a gap year, I had forgotten how much I love participating in class discussions. I absolutely missed being good in class, having peers ask for my notes, and being all coy when my professors validate my work.

Okay so enough about my updates on life these days. Maybe that’s a lie, maybe this blog entry is just all about it. Or maybe I wrote some cute love poem or a sad nostalgic commentary missing home or just a rant about the diverse group of people I have met in the past three weeks. I don’t know, I guess you’ll have to read it all the way through to find out.

I missed you guys. I miss you guys. I don’t know but maybe I am just so far from all things familiar that you all seem too far too. I feel like missing things and places and people has become such a big part of my existence that sometimes I miss things even when I am right infront of them; like that big black hairbrush I stole from mum’s dressing table I comb my hair with every day. Maybe it is not about missing the things and places and people as much as it is about missing how they used to make me feel.

One week in, I missed being touched. Just plain old caresses on my head or a warm hug or holding each other’s pinkies. I craved physical touch. No don’t get me wrong, I shook hands and gave side hugs but that doesn’t feel like home, does it?

I met this sweet Indian girl at the India v/s Pakistan match, two minutes into the conversation we spoke about this, and she gave me the kindest hug. I never saw her again, but it was in that moment, that I felt like I could breathe again.
I have been asking people for longer hugs since to test their hugging skills. Don’t tell anyone but I have a secret report card for each one in my head. I am sorry but most Europeans are too busy and in a rush to truly hug someone or at least that is my hypothesis so far. I also think that some brown women have a maternal style of hugging that just comes so naturally to them, maybe it’s years of conditioning to believe they were born to bear kids. I don’t know, I am still conducting research.

Besides the hugs, I have also noticed men around women. And women around men. Actually just people around people they feel attracted to.
Everyone is so hungry for some validation, some warmth, some familiarity, and okay this might sound off but a lot of love. I know, I know people want to hook up and explore their sexualities in college, or at least that’s what the whitewashed, mainstream media has fed us but I swear everyone is secretly looking for love.

Love in the times of university parties.

The stolen glances from across the room,

Waiting for someone to introduce you to them,

Vibing on the music you can barely hear at the crowded bar,

Trying to understand each other’s ethnic accents,

Making up a nickname for yourself because they are finding it too difficult to pronunciate your name,

Shying away from asking for their number,

Settling for their insta id

Wanting to keep the conversation going

But running out of small talk topics for the first meeting

The annoyance you feel when someone interrupts and steals them away from you

Sneakily trying to find out if they are coming to the party tonight too

Who are they going to come with

Should I just text them?

“Hey I’ll be there at Concordia tonight?”–
No, too forward

“Can I see you tonight?”–
Ughh to desperate

“Wya? Wyd?”
Umm, works? Isn’t that how everyone in uni talks?

The stupid disclaimers of not looking for something serious,

The sad sob stories about why they are only interested in something casual because they just had their heartbroken

The confusion of these being real feelings or an outcome of things being too new and just wanting to fit in somewhere

The slow fights with the one waiting for you back home

No, not your dorm room, your home country

The one you promised “trying to make it work”

But wait, we didn’t commit anything

I shouldn’t feel guilty

And its not like I am marrying them

We are just going to the same party!

We can just vibe and see where this goes

What should I wear tonight?

I hope I ‘accidentally’ run into them

But what if they are there with someone else?

Ohmygod stoppp!

You have been here a week!

Calm down, explore a little, settle in

Love will find you when it’s time.

Ya?

Ya. okay okay, but I’ll still flirt a little

I need the extra validation these days!

Ooof! Love in the times of university parties is even more chaotic and complex than love in the time of cholera!

Anyways, I am here and I am for it!

I have got to make the best of my time at university. And in Europe! I cannot believe I am walking the streets of Europe all by myself. The number of nights I spent in my bed imagining this life is a crazy lot. I am so proud of myself for making it and if you are a uni kid who also moved out of your home, I hope you are proud of yourself too. It’s very courageous, what you’re doing my love! I am proud of you and I am sorry for all the lonely nights, we’ll get through them together.

Well, that’s it for today but I know I have painted a very bright coloured picture of moving abroad for college. There’s hints and strokes of darkness too. But we’ll save it for another day. I am feeling too hopeful and unstoppable today to let the gloom get to me.

Thank you for coming to Rotterdam from Vadodara with me, I know it was a long flight travelling back in time (some light time zone humour, lol).
Send some hugs and ghar ka khana, ok?

Byee