If I had a penny for every fuckin’ time I have been asked to
“Learn to take a joke”
“Chill”
“Laugh it off”
And my most favourite- “Lighten up”
I would be covered in gold: head to toe

The usual inappropriate jokes on my body–
“If I start wearing a bra, I would need a bigger cup size than yours”
“God you’re so skinny that your ribcage is visible in place of your cleavage”
“I like my women meaty”

There’s the unnecessary sexualization of everything–
“Somebody just needs to show you a good time, you’re too frustrated”
“What’s up your ass? Not me which is quite unfortunate”
“I would never tap that, she’s too hairy”

Or our sweet misogynistic comments–
“With a bachelor in communication, you’ll need a sugar daddy”
“Of course, she doesn’t like rock music, she’s a girl”
“Why would you lead him on if you weren’t going to give him any”

And the intense homophobia–
“Look, girl on girl is sexy, but I do not want to hear about men riding men”
“I don’t get this they/ them, binary/ nonbinary shit. I understand male and female, that’s it”
“What do you mean you’re pan? Nonstick or cast iron?”

How do we not talk about the blissful ignorance–
“Stop overreacting. You’re not anxious, you’re just a pussy”
“There’s no such thing as introverted, just open your mouth and have a damn conversation”
“I never make out with drunk chicks because there’s just so much blame game after”

You wish to say such absurd things,
And get away with it
But that’s the thing
It absolutely does not matter to me if these comments are directed towards me or someone else
If I am in the room and you say some problematic shit,
I will take offence
I will correct you
I will make a face
Not partake in this bullshit
And leave the room
I will not laugh at you mimicking a disabled person, it is not dark humour
I will not respond to you calling me a cunt, it is not just another expression
I will not engage in a storytime about somebody else’s mental health journey, it is not gossip

I am not “too woke”
“Feminist type”
“Uptight”
“Arrogant”
I am barely trying to be a decent human
And it is not just me
This generation is not one to remain uneducated and ignorant
Everybody is trying to be better
Get with it!

And if you are too stupid and ignorant to educate yourself,
Then just calm down,
Reflect on your a-mazing sense of humour
Bite your tongue
And
Lighten up!