“Girlll, is this now an exclusive relationship?”
I laugh and ridicule your speculation
What are you even saying? We aren’t even together!
He is not my type
He is young and full of life
I got my driver’s license the year he was born!
He likes to go out on weekdays
Eat hot dogs from random stands on the corner of some street
Virgin pina coladas, he orders virgin pina colodas
Says alcohol tastes like “liver cirrhosis on the rocks”
I drink more whiskey and wine than he does tea
Oh he loves his tea!
But makes two different pots every evening because his tea is so sweet that I would get cavities
And I like kum-shakar-zyada-adrak-wali chai
He is always jittering
Keeps shaking his right leg, snapping his fingers, biting his nails
Gives me a headache
His therapist says his low self-esteem is because of the trauma from childhood,
Well, losing your mother so early on can do unimaginable things to you
I wish I could take his pain away
But I settle for taking away his vapes and cigarettes
Ugh that’s his one bad habit
Smokes a whole pack on an exam day
Yes, he has exams
God does he make me feel old!
The power play is supposed to be so evident between us
I am older, wiser, more successful and settled
My hair has turned grey from all the trial and errors
And he? He is still figuring out what he wants from life
He listens to what I say, collects all my pearls of wisdom
But I wonder if this necklace he is making is for himself or the young woman he will end up with
I get jealous at the thought, weird I know
But that fool says we would be perfect together
And when I don’t reply because obviously not? In what world even?
He pulls my chair closer with almost too much ease as if I weigh nothing
Grabs me by my throat and makes me agree
No man has ever dared to dominate me
Haha have you seen me?
I don’t agree, I don’t listen and I do not submit
But this guy
God he does things to my brain
I have never had some man take care of the bill,
Pull my chair, carry my bags and be on top
But with him, I start to act like a twenty something porcelain doll
Ready to be deflowered
He makes me push my limits
Gives me butterflies
Makes me laugh
He proofreads all my work and suggests edits
Explains pop culture things without making me feel silly
Treats the ground I walk on like it has turned to gold by my touch
Reads me Emily Bishop
And does not mind when I play Rekha Bharadwaj on loop
Jumps on finding out I have witnessed Jagjit Singh perform live
And notices that my nose pin always matches my hair clip
Leaves post-its quoting Faiz
Treats my new MK bag like its the kohinoor
He is so stupid and silly
So you see, he is absolutely not my type!
I will never fall for him
I could never
We are just hanging out
They call it a situationship nowadays, get with the slang!
“So you’re not in love with him?”
No?
“You are so delusional.”