I turned 22 years old this month and life has been overwhelming. Maybe not as much as I make it to be in my mind, but you see, I am an adult now and I strive to be a good one.

Who you are when you’re born is innate, natural, biological. Your brain is wired to tell you how to act. You cry when you’re hungry, you smile when you’re happy, you burp when you’re well fed.

Who you become as a kid is a consequence of what your parents raise you to be like. You respect your elders because mom said you must, you wash your hands after eating because Dad does and you go to bed at nine because that’s what you’re told to do.

And then you become something else as an adolescent, that is a response to how people around you- your friends, your teachers, your family treat you. You’re funny because your friends usually laugh at everything you say, you bunk your classes because your teachers are mean and they make you feel stupid, you don’t go to bed at nine because your parents can’t tell you what to do.

And then you become an adult and how you act as an adult is suddenly in your hands.

Your teachers have shared all their pearls of wisdom. Your parents have taught you all they knew. Your friends are in the same ship as you so they figuring it out on their own as well. You pretty much know the black-and-white stuff that there is to be known about life. You know lying is a sin, stealing is a crime, charity should be done anonymously and never waste food. You know whats technically right and what is ethically wrong. You know what anxiety feels like, you know how to act when you feel angry, you know how to react when a person is upset. You have all the knowledge and resources you need to survive as a human, and now it’s completely in your hand who you become.

So who am I going to be?

Will I be the woke activist who is never scared to stand for what is right? Will I be the friend who always has a tampon incase someone needs it? Will I be the hopeless romantic who thinks every other person is the love of her life? Will I be the girl who forgets to wash her bedsheets on the weekend? Will I be the daughter living abroad who calls home everyday?

Will I swear? Smoke? Eat organic? Have casual sex? Will I meditate? Pray? Journal? Recycle? Will I be so scared of failing that I won’t even try? Will I go to the movies on my own? Will I invest in mutual funds? Or buy NFTs? Will I make my dad proud? Or will I stop seeking external validation? Will I cheat? Steal? Lie? Will I work hard? Be dependable? Kind? Approachable? Will I be as selfless as my mother? Or will I put myself first over everyone and everything else?

Will I make it in life? The best I can do is try.