Still Wondering

  • An Evening Soiree and a List of Lovers

    As I turn 51 the coming weekendI sit at my study, making a list of invitees for the grand soireeThat I throw for myself every passing yearNo no, don’t feel sorry for me,This is a choice I made many moons agoYou see my family is great at throwing formal dinners,But the birth of a wildflower…

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  • Due to Unforeseen Personal Reasons

    Just a regular morning in the life of someone dealing with mental health A 9 am class.The alarm goes off at 7:20Snooze.7:29Snooze.7:38Stop.I try to get upRoll out of the bedTake off the blanketJust move your damn headBut I can’tI can’t moveI can’t even open my eyes completely.My heart was racing at 4:41 amI woke up…

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  • “Lighten up”

    If I had a penny for every fuckin’ time I have been asked to“Learn to take a joke”“Chill”“Laugh it off”And my most favourite- “Lighten up”I would be covered in gold: head to toe The usual inappropriate jokes on my body–“If I start wearing a bra, I would need a bigger cup size than yours”“God you’re…

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  • Your Cologne

    I was walking down my usual path and just like any other morning-it was windy, my fingers and the tip of my nose were freezing, I was listening to some bollywood song and the air smelled fresh.I was counting the number cycles that surpass me to divert my mind from the extreme anxiety I was…

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  • मेरी spotify playlist

    This one is from the archives. Its that can’t fall asleep, let me try to be Harivansh Rai Bachchan and write poetry in hindi nonsense. I see its poor but its cute. I wrote it when I was just starting to try writing in Hindi, so bear with me. मेरे आँचल में बिताई वो शामें…

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  • The “Indian chick” in Europe

    I read this beautiful piece written by my dearest Rishika called “Google Maps is giving me directions to a cafe in my own hometown” this morningAnd a fellow Indian in Europe told me “you seem like a very Europeanised Indian girl” last weekI wear my mother’s very traditional-looking vintage ring to university every dayI have…

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  • #unilife?

    I am sorry for being MIA. I know I broke my streak by not posting anything in August but come on, you have to cut me some slack, I just moved continents! For those of you who don’t follow the fabulous life of Jasmita on Instagram lol, I have finally gone back to books and…

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  • 23+23 kgs

    Things I’ll miss about home from next month- The right side of my bed that has molded in the shape of my body The big windows that I never open and even then they make their presence felt by letting some sunshine seep in The way mumma checks up on me in my room every…

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  • Time Waits for No One

    Okay so I am back home. I have been back home and life has been moving fast. Too fast. Sister dearest moved countries; I got typhoid; my anxiety has been acting up; I have the worst writers block and honestly, I am just all over the place. I’ll be fine, don’t worry love. But look,…

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  • A lover’s note.

    You. You make my heart sing,My stomach swirl,My breath quiver,And my knees weak. You. You are the love I never knew I needed,But the love I want—The love I yearn for.The way a newborn yearns for their mother’s breasts,The way the ocean yearns for the sky,The way a dying person yearns for one more day,Yes,…

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